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Denver-based tech manager Andrea Heap has an unusual side hustle: Since 2010 she’s taught people from all walks of life, and of all genders, how to give a hand job. Like, the best hand job. Her classes, which she teaches primarily at her home, are intensive and uncensored—complete with props, lube, and, once, a live model.
I first met Heap, a bubbly redhead with an infectious laugh, during a yoga and writing retreat in Greece in May of 2022. After dinner one evening she offered to give the motley assortment of 15 or so other women a taste of her highly rated hand-job class.
Armed with our travel-size bottles of olive oil, which we had discreetly swiped from the table at dinner, and plied with a European-size serving of wine, we squeezed into her hotel room, giggling like tween girls at a sleepover. Heap sat in the center of the room and, using our yoga instructor’s forearm as a stand-in for a penis, demonstrated with the casual confidence of a true professional the myriad ways to touch a partner using one’s God-given tools: palms, fingers, knuckles, forearms, and even elbows.
But it’s not just an interest in technique that inspired her to teach others how to give a great hand job. For Heap, being in her “sexual power” while giving manual pleasure is a form of empowerment and a means of building an intimate connection.
“When I lay my hands on someone and touch them with intention, I’m doing it simply to feel good and to give them pleasure, and not to achieve a sexual outcome, necessarily,” she explains. “Obviously, it happens. But I would love for a man to put his hands on me just because it feels good, to pay attention to my cues like I’m paying attention.
“When you’re in your power, you are in complete control and you are there as this vessel of pleasure without having to have your body touched at all,” she continues. “But also—and I think is the most important thing—I’m teaching someone how to touch my own body.”
Read on for our full conversation on how to give a mind-blowing hand job.
Glamour: Tell us a little bit of your backstory. How and when did these classes start?
Andrea Heap: I am a regular nine-to-fiver at a tech company during the week. I teach hand-job workshops on the weekend. The classes came to be a long time ago. I’ve been doing it for about, I would say, 10 to 12 years.
It started by me very casually dating a man whose kink was hand jobs. It slowly became my own kink. It’s something that’s really shaped how I touch people. As I talked about this with friends—“Hey, I have this strange relationship with this man, where I only give him hand jobs”—there was this natural interest from almost anyone I told. Then it was me sharing a tip or two at a brunch with girlfriends. Then people wanted to know more and more. Then, I was like, “I’ll just show you on a sex toy.”
I attend a lot of yoga retreats, and it has always happened that I do a full workshop on a yoga retreat. That is the origin story.
Glamour: You mentioned before that you were a masseuse in your 20s and that you used some of your training to hone your techniques. How long were you in that field, and what did you specialize in?
I was a massage therapist full-time for nine years. That was my one and only job from the age of 20 to 29. I transitioned into tech after that, but I had worked in five-star spas. I had my own practice. I also worked in wellness centers and chiropractic clinics. In those nine years I did a lot of different types of massage therapy, but my natural touch is Swedish. I like to do a medium-to-firm Swedish. That’s my sweet spot.
From this job, obviously, I know how to touch people. I did no sexual touching when I was a massage therapist, but I have trained hands. I have the ability to understand the tools that we all have on our hands, elbows, and forearms, which I incorporate into my workshops.
Glamour: The thing that was most surprising for me, as a student, was the idea of using your whole arm. When did you begin using those techniques?
Naturally, I just use a lot more of my hand, up to my elbow, as tools. But how I give hand jobs now is very different than it was when I first started. It’s been a very playful journey. I’m discovering all of the hundreds of things you can do with your hands. That has been a really fun exploration.
Even when I’m teaching, I can learn something myself and go, Yeah, that would probably feel really good. Then I can take it into practice with a partner or something. It’s constantly evolving. It’s this really playful and empowering thing that, I guess, is my kink now.
Glamour: I want to get into materials and technique. Can you share the top line?
First and foremost, you need an oil-based lubricant. I prefer coconut oil because it smells really good. It tastes good. It’s so cheap and easily accessible.
Glamour: Like at Costco?
Yes, but I’m also crazy about these Trader Joe’s packets. They’re great to travel with. You can throw them in your purse. I always have a coconut oil packet with me if I’m going on a date or something. That is my favorite thing. That is pro tip number one: coconut oil, because it stays slippery for so long, which is nice. You don’t even need a lot of it. One packet could be three sessions. You just don’t need a lot. That would be number one, an oil-based lubricant. Or whatever lubricant you have, but it’s a must. Do not use lotion. It loses its slip within 30 seconds and is absorbed into the skin. You want something to stay on the skin’s surface, oil-based.
My tip for technique is using both hands. Use as much of your skin’s surface that you can. Hand over hand. Spreading the oil can be a big production, and you want to spread it all over him. That can be hand over hand. Just so much of your skin touching their skin is a good thing to keep in mind. It’s not something you think of right away.
Then, realize how many tools you have on your own hand. You can put him between your fingers. You can put him between your wrists and forearms. There are so many different ways to touch with your knuckles or fingertips. Then you can adjust your grip. Always check in with how hard you should be squeezing. Even that, alone, is a really fun exploration of, “How hard can you grip?” You can edge a little bit. You can go soft. Change the tempo. Change the strength of your grip. Those are just some really easy things to keep in mind.
Glamour: What is the best feedback you’ve gotten?
There is a married hetero couple, and the woman came to my class a couple of months ago. Her husband is obsessed with hand jobs now. He texts her all the time, “Hey, HJ tonight?” She actually searched “HJ” in her phone and showed me how many times he had texted her. It was 50 texts. She said, “You’ve created a monster.”
Glamour: Oh my God.
“It’s all he wants.” That was really good feedback. She’s actively using these skills, and he’s so obsessed with it. That makes me so happy. It’s like, Okay, my work is done. They’re this super happy couple, and they’ve added this tool to their sex life. They’re both thoroughly enjoying the process.
Glamour: You used the word empowering, which I think some people might not understand in this context. Can you explain what you mean by that?
Originally, when I was discussing my relationship with friends, they thought it was so one-sided and so unfair. This relationship was not that at all for me. It was extremely empowering, because I kept my clothes on. I felt super safe. I always keep my clothes on in this situation, because you are in this power seat, where you’re giving pleasure for the sake of pleasure, not with a specific outcome in mind. When you’re in your power, you are in complete control and you are there as this vessel of pleasure without having to have your body touched at all. But also—and I think is the most important thing—I’m teaching someone how to touch my own body.
When I lay my hands on someone and touch them with intention, I’m doing it simply to feel good and to give them pleasure and not to achieve a sexual outcome, necessarily. Obviously, it happens. But I would love for a man to put his hands on me just because it feels good, to pay attention to my cues like I’m paying attention. There’s always consent. “Does this feel good? Does this pressure feel good?” This open dialogue is extremely powerful when you’re in your sexual power.
Glamour: Would you characterize this as a sub/dom relationship, since you’re in control?
With some partners, it is that. It has shaped into that, and it’s very fun for me. That is a very new thing I’ve explored. But sometimes, that’s not what they’re interested in; I can also be super soft, loving, and caring.
If I’m talking with a man who, this is not their kink, they might think a hand job is childish. They think, That wouldn't feel good for me. I’m like, “Let me try it. Please consent to letting me just try this thing.”
I might say, “Do you want me to stop? Is this boring for you?” It’s fun to get into that dom role when you know that they’re really enjoying it, and it’s surprising them. That feels really powerful and good.
Glamour: Do you ever get the same reaction from your classes? People who view hand jobs as boring, or like they’re something for high schoolers, not adults?
Yes. It’s not looked at as this decadent pleasure. It’s barely first base or whatever. It doesn’t have this kinky connotation. You make out with someone, and it might happen naturally.
But hand jobs aren’t typically this big event that I really, truly make them. People are very surprised when they ask, “How long do they last?” If I’m with a partner, sometimes, it’s an hour long because it’s just about playful pleasure and discovering what they like, what kind of pressure they like. I like to extend the hand jobs, because that’s how I want to be touched. I don’t want a timeline. I don’t want an outcome attached to someone giving me pleasure.
Glamour: Describe what a typical class looks like. Who’s coming? What’s going on?
So far my students find me through word of mouth. I don’t have a website. I don’t advertise this. This is just friends of friends that are like, “Hey, can I bring a bachelorette party? Or my book club?“
I have been doing the classes in my own home, but I will travel to other people’s houses. I set up a little blanket on the floor with pillows, and I usually use a sex toy as my model.
Glamour: In our class you used someone’s forearm. Is the forearm just for when you don’t have a prop?
Yes, I only do that when I don’t have a dildo, but I prefer having a dildo because the arm is not a great model. In a regular workshop, Zoom or in person, I use a dildo. Something that I will do, going forward, is I want to just purchase 10 to 15 dildos and pass them out in my class so people can practice live with me.
I’m a tactile learner, so I would want that too. That’s next. That’s hand-job workshop 2.0.
Glamour: A class set of dildos?
Yes. Imagine taking a bag of dildos out of the trunk and going into a house. [Laughs.]
Inside, there’s usually 8 to 10 women that sit around me. I’m centrally located on the floor because that’s, I think, a realistic depiction of how you’re sitting next to a partner.
There’s usually wine flowing. I do about a 45-minute to one-hour class. I always open for questions at the end, because there are always really great questions that I learn a lot from. That can take 20 more minutes of this class. People are very curious, and there’s such an appetite for this knowledge. I think that people feel safe giving hand jobs. It’s a really easy thing to hone your skills and get good at—something that feels really empowering.
Glamour: I feel like when people talk about couples in a sexual rut who are looking for something new and exciting, hand jobs are not the first thing that comes to mind.
It’s an approachable, new thing that can be super kinky. But it’s also PG, if you want it to be PG. That’s what, I think, is really nice about adding this new tool to your repertoire. It could be anything you want it to be.
There are times when I don’t want to have sex. Say you’re on your cycle. Say you don’t feel good. There are things where you just don’t want to maybe engage in sex. Maybe you feel sexy, but you don’t want to have sex and you still want to connect with your partner. This is such a great way to do that. Say you just had a baby. This is such a great thing to feel connected to your partner. Maybe he can touch you, too, without intercourse. Teach him how to touch you. That just feels damn good.
Glamour: That was something—the reciprocity aspect of giving manual pleasure—that we talked about as a counterargument to this idea that we’re prioritizing men’s pleasure, or people with penises’ pleasure.
I always start my workshop with this. I say, “I’m a feminist.” I understand that men have it better in every way, including in the bedroom. I understand that. But I also take a step back and realize, “Am I touching my partner the way that I want to be touched?” I can tell you, no. There are times where I’m just going through the motions with a partner, when I’m trying to just get him to cum, basically.
I never want someone to touch me like that. When you can just really embrace the sensuality of this touch and communicate during this, when you’re touching him, and you can say things like, “This would feel so good on my body. Please touch me like this.” It’s this empowered situation, where you are giving pleasure and giving feedback. “Please, can you try this next time on me? This pressure would feel so good on me.”
It’s a teaching moment, but you have to be able to be open with that dialogue during the whole time. There are times where I will not do this for men. There are times that I don’t feel respected enough, or I don’t want to put in the effort. This is a special thing that I don’t give to everyone. I keep this for myself. This is for when I feel like doing it. That is something that I also like to say: “You don’t always want to spend one hour giving someone pleasure.” It takes this special mutual respect and safety. The hope, too, is that it will be given back to me in some other way. Maybe not that night, but maybe the next morning, it’s my turn.
Glamour: I liked what you said in the class about it being really intimate in a way that sex sometimes is not. Obviously, sex can be very intimate—but you described your hand jobs as often being fully clothed, and it’s just you two. There’s more room, I think, to connect on a mental, emotional space.
I have sex with men. I’m very straight. I know that men are visual, and even fully clothed, they get to see your whole body, just sitting by them. Watching hands is super visual for them too. It’s not the typical T & A that you think they all want. Hands can be so beautiful and intimate. Even holding hands could be sexy as hell. There are so many forgotten things, or maybe things that get overlooked. We speed through a lot of things. When we just can take a step back and slow down, we realize that anything can be intimate.
Glamour: This is all so insightful! Is there anything else you would like to share?
I just want to say that I truly like giving hand jobs because I think this is part of my kink. I really enjoy and feel very empowered by it. Not everyone is going to feel that way. Take it or leave it, but this just happens to be something I like doing. It’s just been naturally shared.
The original article can be found on Glamour US.
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