Book details trauma of growing up in a threesome

Claremont and Newlands were home to an unusual threesome in the 1950s. A married couple and an “aunt” lived there with their daughter. Their lives were outwardly uneventful but events behind the scenes would traumatise some members of the family for years.

Diane Harding, née Berry, was the daughter in this story. She was three years old when the mysterious and glamorous Aunty Connie came to their Claremont home - for a never-ending visit. Connie was a beautiful and charming “glamourpuss” and Diane picked up on uncomfortable undercurrents about her presence that she did not understand.

The family moved around a lot, from Claremont, to Newlands, to England, but wherever they went, the mysterious Connie was always in tow.

Decades later, when Diane was a married senior citizen with her own children and living in Britain, she eventually discovered the truth.

Diane captured this story in her memoir, Always in the Dark, by Blkdog Publishing.

While she had been carefully shielded from the details of he unusual upbringing by her mother Blanche, the reader is not kept in the dark. It is clear from the earliest chapters exactly who and what Connie is and the prevailing question while reading was: “How could Diane not have known?”

She answers: “I have come across no one else who has experienced a childhood growing up in a ménage a trois - for 22 years - a past that had been cleverly hidden from me during my formative years, hence my naivety, but I was a young child when it all began.”

When she eventually did discover the truth, she was surprised to find that everyone had long been aware of what was going on.

“When talking to close friends and family, they confirmed they were aware of my home situation, hence the title Always in the Dark, as it seemed I was the last to know.”

Diane found that Blanche’s life-long confidante, her sister Linda, had many pieces of the puzzle and was instrumental in revealing the story.

“It was my now 96-year-old aunt Linda who was able to provide me with information and decades-old letters about my past and although I still keep questioning her, thankfully no new skeletons have emerged,” Diane said.

The shock and shame of discovery was so intense for Diane that it took her three years to tell her husband Chris. By that time she had already started writing the memoir. Blanche seemed to have had foresight about this because after her death, Diane found a box of letters, photographs and legal documents marked: “For Diane. For your book one day”.

But it was only after Connie died, many years after her mother, that Diane decided to go ahead with publishing. It was released last year and is available from Exclusive Books and Amazon.

The book describes Diane’s process of discovery. It is interspersed with memories, most of which take place in Cape Town where the majority of the affair was conducted, and how the new revelations clarified many childhood mysteries. She tells the reader slowly, from her own perspective, how the drama unfolded and how Blanche was forced to take second place to her husband Victor’s charming but “amoral” mistress.

“I’ve been overwhelmed by their empathy and positive response (from the public), and utter disbelief from friends and work colleagues that I never breathed a word to anyone about my traumatic and dysfunctional past.

“I’ve even had flowers left on my doorstep with a common theme that we all need to show kindness to everyone as we simply do not know what goes on behind closed doors.”

The book also sparked a connection with fellow author Mary Turner Thomson who wrote The Bigamist and The Psychopath. Ms Thomson endorsed Always in the Dark with a five-star review on Goodreads.

“Mary and I are now in communication with one another, both of us on a mission to raise awareness of the horrors of domestic abuse and coercive control.”

Diane discovered that Victor had exerted an iron-fisted, tyrannical and sometimes violent control over Blanche, which she endured until Diane was old enough to fend for herself. Blanche had protectively hid this abuse from Diane, who only discovered it after perusing legal documents after Blanche’s death.

“I am also trying to highlight that it is not only the victim but also the child of the victim who suffers at the hands of the abuser; in my case my formative years were dismantled by greed. I have had many people tell me of their experiences of coercive control, wanting to engage through discussions and interviews.”

And Connie’s friends and family, how have they responded?

“Connie had no family, only a sister who died years before my discovery, but when I told of her past to a couple of her close friends, it was met with silence - shocked that someone they were so fond of could have led such a double life and caused such misery to my mother.”

Diane is now hoping the book can be made into a movie.

“It’s my dream and has been mentioned many times by journalists and BBC Radio interviewers that it would make a powerful film.”