Unmasking catfish: what 'Sweet Bobby' and 'Fanatical' teach us about online deception
While “The Tinder Swindler” shone a light on the dark side of online dating, it's been a problem for the longest time.
If you’ve watched “Catfish: The TV Show” on MTV, which has over the years manifested in spin-offs and different iterations around the globe, you will know that the term “catfish” was coined by the show’s creator, Nev Schulman, who was once a victim of disturbing deception.
Since sharing his documentary about being catfished, he has been helping viewers unmask their catfish.
Globally, this is a struggle many single people looking for love have experienced.
This brings me to “Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare” on Netflix and “Fanatical: The Catfishing of Tegan and Sara” on Disney+.
These documentary features delve into two different experiences of being catfished while exploring the shared frustration, pain and hurt.
Let’s start with “Sweet Bobby”, which is directed by Lyttanya Shannon. It tells the story of Kirat Assi, a radio presenter and outgoing person who finds her life thrown into turmoil for a decade by a friendship-turned-romance with a guy named Bobby Jandu.
In the documentary, Assi reveals how she was content with her life. At the time when she befriended Bobby on Facebook, she was in a committed relationship.
Over the years, they kept in touch. She bore witness to his marriage, divorce and second marriage.
She didn’t suspect anything as he was a close friend of her cousin Simran Bhogal and Bobby and his affluent family were well-known to the community.
Her interactions with him ramped up after he was shot and allegedly put into witness protection in the US.
While in recovery, Assi and Bobby grew closer. He demanded more of her time, which left her mentally and emotionally broken.
Her parents grew concerned by the noticeable changes in Kirat, where she lost weight and became more withdrawn.
The relationship became toxic but Bobby lured her to trust him proposing marriage, which Assi accepted.
Despite the many red flags over the years, Assi trusted him implicitly even though they hadn’t met. His plethora of excuses as to why they couldn’t meet in person, why he couldn’t support her in person when she lost her granny and so forth, started becoming tired.
The final straw for her was when she learned he was in London but he wasn’t making an effort to see her.
Taking matters into her own hands, Assi tracked him down only to learn that she was sent down a rabbit hole by someone close to her.
While the person in question existed, he wasn’t aware of her existence as he was happily married and a father.
That’s when the penny dropped, and Assi’s rage mushroomed. She wanted answers, accountability and justice.
“Fanatical: The Catfishing of Tegan and Sara”, directed and produced by Erin Lee Carr, follows the journey of twins Tegan and Sara, who form a queer indie rock band.
Starting from humble beginnings with a small fan base, they became a success story.
Of course, with fame comes fandom and stalkers.
However, one fan took things too far by hacking into Tegan’s computer files and using that information to strike up relationships and romances with fans.
Despite several attempts to put an end to the shenanigans of Fake Tegan, the real person kept hitting a stone wall.
The documentary captures how the situation had a domino effect on her mentally and emotionally. Since then Tegan curtailed her engagement with fans knowing how it could go wrong.
Of couse, film-makers don’t have to look too hard to find stories of a similar nature. Honestly, they are a dime a dozen.
Not to victim blame here, but after watching the aforementioned documentaries, I couldn't help but feel annoyed.
While I wouldn’t wish such experiences on my worst enemy, I couldn’t help but wonder why anyone would ignore so many red flags, especially when looking at Assi’s journey.
If anything, I would suggest that viewers watch these offerings and, if you are in a similar situation or know of someone who might be, use them as cautionary tales.
In the modern dating world, contact is made through dating apps or social media. That is unavoidable. But don’t be swayed by sweet nothings by faceless individuals.
To truly get to know someone, meet them in person.
As I pointed out already, there will probably be more documentaries and or TV series about being catfished or stalked (à la “Baby Reindeer”). When you spot the signs, run for the hills and don’t look back.